The moment when you held the person you love while their body broke, and something inside you broke in silence.

And, after the tears and the shock, no one ever asked you how you are.

I’m writing this to the man who stood in the hospital corridor, fists clenched, jaw tight, waiting for news he hoped he’d never hear.
To the man who held his partner through her tears while swallowing his own.
To the man who stayed strong because someone had to, because if he broke now, he’d never put himself back together.
To the man who never found his way back to himself.

Whether it was a miscarriage, stillbirth, or a termination for medical reasons…
You lost a child.
You lost a dream.
You lost something you maybe never even knew you wanted until it was taken from you.

And in that moment, when you chose to be there for her, you made a decision.
A decision to be the rock.
And no one told you the cost of being the rock is that you don’t get to fall apart.
Not then. Not ever.

Until now! Because here’s what I want you to hear.:

Your grief matters.
Your tears, your guilt, your silence, they matter.
The moment you stepped aside for her pain, you didn’t stop needing support. You just learned to live without it.

I’ve sat with and listened to men who have carried this grief for years. Quietly. Invisibly.
It echoed in their relationships.
In their inability to talk about the future.
In the distance between them and their partners.
In the ache that no success, no amount of strength, could erase.

Some of them felt guilt they didn’t understand.
Some felt shame just for feeling anything at all.

Others couldn’t even name what they were carrying, only that something was heavy… and getting heavier.

This is your invitation to stop carrying it alone.

You don’t have to unpack it all at once.
You don’t have to have the right words.

There is nothing weak about grieving your loss, or missing what never got to be.
And, there is no shame in saying, I am not okay.

The strongest, most courageous thing you can do now… is stop pretending it didn’t happen.

You didn’t just survive it, you lived it.
And your story deserves space, not because someone else needs it, but because you do.

You’re allowed to come back to yourself now, to speak the words you have hidden in your heart, and you’re allowed to be held, too.

When You’re Ready, Reach Out

You don’t have to do this alone. There are real men, real stories, and real support waiting for you.

Here are some places to start your journey, to acknowledge what happened and heal your pain.

UK United Kingdom Resources

Sands – Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity
www.sands.org.uk
Support groups, helpline, and resources for fathers.

Tommy’s
www.tommys.org
Specialist info for miscarriage, TFMR, and grief. They see men too.

Miscarriage Association
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Honest, direct support for men and partners.

Daddys with Angels
www.daddyswithangels.org
Peer-led community for fathers grieving children.

US United States Resources

Return to Zero: HOPE
www.rtzhopesupport.org
Men’s circles, TFMR support, grief retreats.

MISS Foundation
www.missfoundation.org
Mentorship, counselling, and remembrance for grieving dads.

Through the Heart
www.throughtheheart.org
Personal connection and practical grief support.

Grieving Dads Project
www.grievingdads.com
Raw, real, and written by a dad who’s walked this path.

For the man who has boxed away his pain

Come out of the silence.
Your grief doesn’t make you broken.
It makes you whole.

You are seen,